I clearly was never meant to have the calm, natural water birth I had planned both times. The birth of both my babies went royally tits up and both ended up in SCBU. Both had the cord around their neck.  How’s your luck? Big L was slightly less dramatic (although it didn’t seem so at the time). His was a natural birth with gas and air. I’ll try to keep this brief, try to bear with me.   Big L  was almost 2 weeks overdue and I was supposed to be induced but I hadn’t felt him for a while so I went into hospital.Read More →

No.  Really.  What the hell is that all about? I can honestly say it scares the bejesus out of me. My Facebook feed is full of the creepy little bastard today.  I’m not knocking the efforts of my friends, that’s some really imaginative shit going down right there but, for someone who was still making packed lunches and putting the bins out at 9.30 last night (in my strappy nightie and Birkenstocks, I thank you!) thinking of fun things for the elf to do on a nightly basis is not in my remit. Hats off to those that can be arsed. I know some peopleRead More →

​I’ve been struggling mentally a bit lately. I think I’m fairly good at hiding it from most people, not all. People that know me well know the signs.   Anyway.  It came to a bit of a head this morning and I was having trouble coping with life in general not to mention a teething baby and a five year old who just wants to play.   We’d planned a grand day out with Granny but ended up going to the local Wildfowl Reserve instead.  We go there a fair bit. It’s free and it’s lovely and it’s quite peaceful.  There’s nothing like immersing yourselfRead More →

Is it when you lean over your baby’s pushchair in Sainsburys and smell poo? No Is it when you take said baby to change him? No Is it when you discover that the poo *may* have travelled further than any other poo known to mankind Possibly Like this Holy shit When you realise it’s gone through his dungarees? Or into the pushchair? And you don’t have a spare set of clothes Maybe when you have to push him around Sainsburys screaming in nothing but a nappy and his cardigan? At the very least when you put the soiled footmuff from the pushchair in the washingRead More →

I’ve seen it all now! Literally! It’s been a while since I received such a thing (see what I did there?) but yes, sadly, I was on the receiving end of a dick pic or two in my time.  I even had a video sent to me once. He was tugging away furiously and it looked quite uncomfortable. It was quite disappointing and I’m not sure why the sender was so proud of it if I’m honest. In the days when I was single and the recipient of a dick pic there was no snap chat or whats app so the owner of said dickRead More →

On our local mum’s network is a thread about who gets the weekend lie in.  You must bear in mind that this is a network primarily favoured by mothers but also those that care for children such as grandmothers, childminders etc etc.  I thought the norm would be to take weekend lie ins in turns.  That’s certainly what Vince and I (try to) do.  One of us has Saturday and the other Sunday although I’m invariably woken up by Big L who comes in to check he can get out of bed….every day. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, others not so much.  TheRead More →

I’m writing this when I should be doing housework.  It’s been one of *those* mornings. I’ve just sat and fed Little L while I sobbed.  He looked up at me and smiled.  I feel like I’ve failed my children.  I feel like a crap mum, a crap girlfriend and and crap daughter.  I took Little L to be weighed and he’s dropped down that fucking chart.  I KNOW it’s a guideline. I KNOW he’s healthy so why do I feel like I’ve failed him? I’m exclusively breastfeeding so I feel like I’m not good enough now.  My house is a mess.  I’m constantly chasing myRead More →

​We went to Bewl Water today. For those of you who don’t know it’s a reservoir with water sports, boat trips, play ground etc etc.  It was quite a hectic morning and I might have been a bit Mumzilla… We got there at lunch time so headed straight for the cafe.   I asked Big L what he would like to eat.  He looked at the board and pointed out the children’s lunch boxes.  Clever little so and so can read and everything.  In the cafe I noticed they were doing chicken nuggets and chips (that’ll save me from cooking tonight) nope.  Lunch box itRead More →

I’m sat here on this lovely summer’s day 3 years to the day that I had my first major operation. An operation that would lead to a further 4, and counting… I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in September 2012. Big L was 1 and Little L was a sparkle in his father’s eye.  I’d suffered with what had been previously diagnosed as IBS since my teens and been backwards and forwards to the Dr’s since.  It turns out it was actually Crohn’s. Crohn’s and IBS have very similar symptoms and Crohn’s is apparently hard to diagnose. It was found because I’d been ill withRead More →

You know those mums who totally have their shit together? Yeah?! Me too.  And I’m not one of them.  Let me tell you about my day in the hope that, in some small way it makes you feel better about yours.  Today was tough. It started out fine. I even managed a lie in until 7.30 (we don’t count the wake ups to feed or wee overnight). I made Vince’s sandwiches last night too so didn’t have to rush doing them  (yes we are very new age in our house)! The day went tits up somewhere around 8am. First of all I had only hadRead More →