For as long as I can remember I’ve been on a diet, or at least in need of one.  When I was seven my mum took me to the Dr because I had a cold or some other unrelated illness and the Dr (who himself was, let’s be honest here, a fat fucker) told her I was overweight and sent me to a dietician.  There started my unhealthy relationship with food.  It really started when my parents split up and I would spend the weekend with my father who plied me with sweets and crisps and sat me in the corner of his local pub.Read More →

A friend of mine shared this on Facebook yesterday The general consensus was that this was outrageous.  Some of her friends said they’d only had one child and given up their job as they were better off financially not working than paying out for childcare. Others said that there should be more money for childcare, I pointed out that in some Scandinavian countries mothers are paid to stay at home with their children. Not that I’m biased at all you understand. Then one of her friends said, and I quote “no one forces people to have kids.  It’s their choice” I don’t normally rise toRead More →

No.  Really.  What the hell is that all about? I can honestly say it scares the bejesus out of me. My Facebook feed is full of the creepy little bastard today.  I’m not knocking the efforts of my friends, that’s some really imaginative shit going down right there but, for someone who was still making packed lunches and putting the bins out at 9.30 last night (in my strappy nightie and Birkenstocks, I thank you!) thinking of fun things for the elf to do on a nightly basis is not in my remit. Hats off to those that can be arsed. I know some peopleRead More →

Is it when you lean over your baby’s pushchair in Sainsburys and smell poo? No Is it when you take said baby to change him? No Is it when you discover that the poo *may* have travelled further than any other poo known to mankind Possibly Like this Holy shit When you realise it’s gone through his dungarees? Or into the pushchair? And you don’t have a spare set of clothes Maybe when you have to push him around Sainsburys screaming in nothing but a nappy and his cardigan? At the very least when you put the soiled footmuff from the pushchair in the washingRead More →

I’ve seen it all now! Literally! It’s been a while since I received such a thing (see what I did there?) but yes, sadly, I was on the receiving end of a dick pic or two in my time.  I even had a video sent to me once. He was tugging away furiously and it looked quite uncomfortable. It was quite disappointing and I’m not sure why the sender was so proud of it if I’m honest. In the days when I was single and the recipient of a dick pic there was no snap chat or whats app so the owner of said dickRead More →

On our local mum’s network is a thread about who gets the weekend lie in.  You must bear in mind that this is a network primarily favoured by mothers but also those that care for children such as grandmothers, childminders etc etc.  I thought the norm would be to take weekend lie ins in turns.  That’s certainly what Vince and I (try to) do.  One of us has Saturday and the other Sunday although I’m invariably woken up by Big L who comes in to check he can get out of bed….every day. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, others not so much.  TheRead More →

You know those mums who totally have their shit together? Yeah?! Me too.  And I’m not one of them.  Let me tell you about my day in the hope that, in some small way it makes you feel better about yours.  Today was tough. It started out fine. I even managed a lie in until 7.30 (we don’t count the wake ups to feed or wee overnight). I made Vince’s sandwiches last night too so didn’t have to rush doing them  (yes we are very new age in our house)! The day went tits up somewhere around 8am. First of all I had only hadRead More →

There was an article in the local rag (Yes Kent Online, I’m looking at you) about a woman who had complained to a train company about workmen who had wolf-whistled at her.  Now.  Let’s set the scene. Said woman was alone on a (fairly remote) train station platform following an awards ceremony in London. She was waiting for a connecting train. She was dressed up.  It was late at night. She was wolf-whistled at by several workmen that were working for the train company nearby. She felt vulnerable. I can understand that.  I have walked home from the pub slightly inebriated (shitfaced) on countless occasionsRead More →

Ok.  Own up! Whose bright idea were baby groups? You know, the ones in a musty church hall with toys that probably failed safety regulations back in 1982 that cost you 50p for which you get a shitty cup of tea and a pink wafer biscuit. I hate these groups with a passion.  They were my biggest source of “mummy guilt” with my first child and I’ve vowed not to put that kind of pressure on myself this time. I didn’t have any friends with children the same age and to be honest I’ve come to the realisation that I’m not your average mum. ByRead More →

Jesus wept people. St.George’s Cross is NOT racist.  I don’t think it is.  Why do you feel the need to share pictures on Facebook suggesting it is? The fact that you do suggests you think it is too. Although I have to admit when I see it I have a pang of “oh shit the EDL are on one again” St. George’s  Cross has been pinched by twatty right wing extremists and you are buying into their propaganda. Get a grip. It’s England’s flag.  Take it back from those wankers and make it something to be proud of.  Don’t go shouting “if you don’t likeRead More →