School BBQ’s the new Out Out

I didn’t intend this blog to be about family life or being a mum as I think there’s more to my life than that but it would seem having a five year old and (nearly) four month old mean that actually that is all my life is about, for the time being at least.

Anyway.  School family BBQ and disco.  Seriously.  This is what my Friday nights have become.  Gone are the days of getting home from work, jumping in the shower for AT LEAST half an hour then spending a good couple of hours moisturising, putting on enough make up to make the MAC counter in Bluewater jealous, straightening hair (who has time for that these days), trying on outfit after outfit (only about three things actually fit me now) and finally deciding what jewellery to wear. Oh no.  These days it’s very different…

Let me paint a picture.  I’m actually quite excited about this evening out.  Yes it’s been a while.  Some of the other mum’s from Big L’s class will be there and they seem like a fun bunch. I’ve missed all the other gatherings due to being pregnant or having a baby attached to my boob. Tonight  I’m going to treat myself to a glass or two of wine and make myself look a little less like I just rolled out of bed. The plan is I’ll collect Big L from school, get home and spend two leisurely hours getting us all ready.  I think that’ll be enough time.  I need to feed Both L’s and get them washed and dressed and have a shower, put makeup on and do my hair…it’s amazing how quickly you can get ready when you have children.

That was the plan.  The reality was that I picked Big L up from school.  Got back to the car.  Strapped both L’s in.  Got in the front and turned the key…Nothing. Not a fucking thing.  This can’t be happening.  It’s hot.  It’s Friday.  I actually have somewhere to go.  My car fucking hates me! It’s ok.  I have AA cover.  Can I find the card? No.  I. Fucking.  Can’t! I Skype Vince (of course in my head this has somehow all become his fault.  How dare he be at work? And where the fuck has HE put the AA card). He calls me.  Of course he’s no bloody use (why should he be, you mad woman, he’s at work). Then I call my mum.  She’s a miracle worker and part time mechanic.  Actually she’s neither but one can dream.  It’s while I’m on the phone the Mum that I remember I have breakdown cover with my bank so I call them.  In the meantime Big L tells me that we don’t have to go the the BBQ (that he’s been looking forward to forever, cue the worst mummy guilt) and Little L decides that, actually mummy, I’m really blimming hungry and I’m going to scream so loud that you can’t hear the nice lady on the phone that’s going to sort out the recovery truck.  I give Big L the phone to hold while I get Little L in the front with me to feed him.  What that poor woman must have heard. Anyway.  It turns out we were covered and they’d send someone within the hour. This was 4pm.

I walked the Ls back to my mum who lives half way between the school and our house and went back to the car to wait for the recovery driver. To cut a very long and arduous story short, Vlad (that wasn’t his name but it should have been. Had he said “I vant to suck your blood” it wouldn’t have been a surprise) managed to start the car with nothing but jump leads  (Google had me thinking I needed a new gear box. Fucks sake Google) and a lecture on not leaving all my appliances on. I did protest that the garage told me I HAD to leave the aircon switched on for some reason or other only to be given a look.

Car started I drove back to my long suffering Mum’s, collected the boys and went home. I fed Big L and Little L and jumped in the shower.  My two hours getting ready time had now more than halved.  I made a half arsed attempt at covering the multitude of spots that have appeared in recent weeks following Little L’s birth.  Thanks for that Mother Nature.  Vince made it home (probably thankful that this was no longer all his fault) I threw on some clothes and dragged the straighteners through my hair.  Got the boys dressed and left the house. On foot.

We were late for the BBQ but I managed two glasses of wine (if I wasn’t breastfeeding it would have been two bottles) and had a lovely evening with the parents from the school. Making pacts with other mums that we’ll meet up in the summer holidays with the kids AND without.  Oh yes, Daddies, Mummy has a taste for going out again.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid!  The kids enjoyed themselves and that’s the main thing. We were home by 9pm. That’s the time we used to go out.  Well.  By the time we’d finished the couple of bottles of wine at a friends house.  Hey ho! How my life has changed.

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