So. Here it is. My first blog post. I’ve been umming and ahhing about writing a blog for a while. Despite appearances, I’m quite shy, but I also like to vent and I’m pretty opinionated – although I do value other people’s opinions and take them on board (at least I pretend to. I smile and nod and mutter “twat” quietly to myself).
So. Let’s kick off with my first installment. Kids parties. So, it’s my first born’s 5th birthday soon and we are having a joint party for him with his friend. In a hall. With an entertainer. Fuck. My. Life. *sigh* This is all good. It’s the first time he’s had a big party (and likely to be his last until he’s 18) and frankly, I’ve no idea what I’m doing so it’s lucky his friend’s mum enjoys this sort of thing. She’s lovely. She’ll probably read this so I have to say that. We’ve sorted out the entertainment (it’s a friend of mine. So I know he’s legit) The hall. The goody bags (sorry parents of attendees – more tat for your recycling). The problem is the food. The goddamn food. We had it sorted following the first party we went to. Chuck all the food on platters, let the little darlings help themselves and job’s a goodun…Then, we went to another party (at a soft play centre. My worst nightmare. We’ll go back to that another day) and they had individual lunch bags with the contents cling filmed. Ok. That’s a good idea. BUT. They had ham sandwiches and sausages. Nowt wrong with a ham sandwich, I hear you say. Oh yes, there is! Now, I’m a vegetarian but my children aren’t. I’m not a militant veggie. It’s my choice. No, it’s not for health reasons. Yes, it’s for ethical reasons. Yes, I miss the taste. Oh God, do I miss bacon; it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to eat it now. Ok. I digress. So. We’ve decided on, amongst other things, sandwiches. One ham. One jam. One cheese. Until I said:
“Are any of the kids veggie?”
“Oh, I don’t know”, was the reply.
“What about Muslim?”
“Let’s forget the sausages.”
“How about we do some lunch bags without any meat?”
So, if they all eat meat, some poor bugger is having an extra cheese sarnie. Sorry about that.
It’s a minefield.
On the plus side, her mum is providing fruit kebabs so that’s a parenting win and hopefully will cancel out the sugary shit we’ll be stuffing down their necks for two hours.
We have the hall for an hour before the party starts. An hour to set up…
My lovely friend suggests we give all the kids a helium balloon with their party bag. There’s fucking 30 of them. 30 fucking helium balloons. In a small hall. I shit you not. We decided against Up 2. It’s next Saturday. Wish us luck.