I’ve been lucky enough to reach the ripe old age of 39 and not have a close encounter with the Big C. Friends and family members I’ve lost have not suffered from cancer. Until now. My Bestie’s beautiful mum was diagnosed just over a year ago and now cancer is stealing her from us. And I’m fucking angry, no, I’m livid. How dare it? How dare this disease walk into our lives like it owns the place and take someone so wonderful?
My Bestie and I grew up together, both of us were only children so we spent most of our time together, right up until we were in our twenties when boyfriends and girlfriends came into the picture. We’ve always been best friends but your priorities change as you get older. We joke that we met when we were in the womb, her mum worked in the local chemist and my mum went in one day, they got chatting about how they were both pregnant and the rest, as they say, is history.
I suppose I’m most angry because there is bugger all I can do. I feel useless. Helpless. There is nothing I can do to take the pain away from one of the people I love most in this world and it fucking sucks. We used to live along the road from each other but now she lives in London, which isn’t a million miles away but far enough. I just want to be able to give her a hug. Tell her everything will be alright. But it won’t. How can it be?
Her mum and dad are still together which in itself is an achievement these days. They’re an old-fashioned couple. They listen to Radio Kent and drink milky tea. As a child Sunday lunch was a highlight when her mum would cook the roast and her dad would wash up. Her dad used to (very thoroughly!) wash and dry and then Vim the life out of the kitchen sink! I love them both. Her mum is honestly the most lovely lady you’re likely to meet, and I’m not just saying that. They welcomed me into their family when I was a little girl and we’ve been through a hell of a lot together. Births, deaths, a marriage, a divorce, break ups, make ups, operations – you name it we’ve been through it together. It was really only a matter of time before one of us lost our mum but I didn’t actually ever expect it to happen. And certainly not like this.
What do I do? I send messages. Offer help. It’s all futile. I’m told “All you can do is ‘be there'” but it doesn’t feel like enough and I hate that. I feel impotent. So I’m writing this because, well, this is why I started this blog in the first place. As a release for my feelings. I only hope my Bestie doesn’t mind me writing this.
So. Here we are, watching and waiting for news. I only hope my sons find friends with a family as loving and accepting as I was lucky to have and call my second mum and dad.