My best friend’s mum has cancer and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it

I’ve been lucky enough to reach the ripe old age of 39 and not have a close encounter with the Big C. Friends and family members I’ve lost have not suffered from cancer.  Until now.  My Bestie’s beautiful mum was diagnosed just over a year ago and now cancer is stealing her from us.  And I’m fucking angry, no, I’m livid.  How dare it? How dare this disease walk into our lives like it owns the place and take someone so wonderful?

My Bestie and I grew up together, both of us were only children so we spent most of our time together, right up until we were in our twenties when boyfriends and girlfriends came into the picture.  We’ve always been best friends but your priorities change as you get older.  We joke that we met when we were in the womb, her mum worked in the local chemist and my mum went in one day, they got chatting about how they were both pregnant and the rest, as they say, is history.

I suppose I’m most angry because there is bugger all I can do. I feel useless.  Helpless.  There is nothing I can do to take the pain away from one of the people I love most in this world and it fucking sucks. We used to live along the road from each other but now she lives in London, which isn’t a million miles away but far enough. I just want to be able to give her a hug.  Tell her everything will be alright.  But it won’t.  How can it be?

Her mum and dad are still together which in itself is an achievement these days.  They’re an old-fashioned couple.  They listen to Radio Kent and drink milky tea. As a child Sunday lunch was a highlight when her mum would cook the roast and her dad would wash up.  Her dad used to (very thoroughly!) wash and dry and then Vim the life out of the kitchen sink! I love them both.  Her mum is honestly the most lovely lady you’re likely to meet, and I’m not just saying that.  They welcomed me into their family when I was a little girl and we’ve been through a hell of a lot together.  Births, deaths, a marriage, a divorce, break ups, make ups, operations – you name it we’ve been through it together.  It was really only a matter of time before one of us lost our mum but I didn’t actually ever expect it to happen. And certainly not like this.

What do I do? I send messages.  Offer help.  It’s all futile. I’m told “All you can do is ‘be there'” but it doesn’t feel like enough and I hate that.  I feel impotent.  So I’m writing this because, well, this is why I started this blog in the first place.  As a release for my feelings. I only hope my Bestie doesn’t mind me writing this.

So.  Here we are, watching and waiting for news.  I only hope my sons find friends with a family as loving and accepting as I was lucky to have and call my second mum and dad.

Mummy Times Two

10 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry to hear the Big C has found it’s way to someone you so dearly care for. It’s truly heartbreaking, and knowing there’s nothing in the world we can do to help just doesn’t make us feel any better. Of course, “being there” is the best we can do, and I’m sure by the sounds of it you are and will be.
    Becky x
    #PostsFromTheHeart

  2. It’s so sad 🙁 I’m sorry for what you and especially her friend and her family are going through. I can’t think of anything more difficult and painful that seeing someone you love be in pain and being slowly taken away from you. It’s heart breaking. But I’m sure your friend means it – it matters a lot that you can be there for her. Hugs. #PostsFromTheHeart

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your best friends mum. It so tough. The only thing you can really do is be there for you friend, cancer sucks! Just know that by you being there for your friend is the best thing you can do. Sending you and your friends family lots of love x #PostsFromTheHeart

    1. Author

      Thank you, we’ve had a good hug x

  4. I’m so sorry, it sucks big time doesn’t it. My life has been touched by cancer too and it’s a rotten horrid disease, so cruel and unwelcome in this world. It’s hard to know what to do but your friend may just need an ear, if she doesn’t ask, then offer, sometimes it’s hard to ask. massive hugs for this difficult time xx

    #Postsfromtheheart

  5. Im so sorry. My best friends mum is going through the Big C too and i feel the same way.The truth is we can only be there and hope for the best.Thanks for linking up to #postsfromtheheart

    1. Author

      Thank you. This is true. Knowing someone cares is really all that matters at these times

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