The big girl’s guide to sunbeds – 5 top tips for that all over tan

It’s been a while since I used a sunbed but my Bestie is getting married next weekend so I thought I’d treat myself to a course.  I’ve left it a bit late but hey ho!  Anyway, once you step in the shop it all comes flooding back.  If you’ve never been before I’ve put together a little guide –

1) If you wear glasses you might not be able to see the START and STOP buttons.  Locate these prior to taking off your glasses and entering the booth

Start and stop button and pair of glasses
Locate the start/stop button

2) If, like me, you’re a “sturdy girl” never, ever use the lie down beds.  Your boobs and tummy will get all squished and likely burnt. You’ve seen kids with their faces pressed against a window…that’s your body.

Stick person lying on sunbed looking unhappy
Never lie down on a sunbed

3) For some reason (I’m sure it’s not for aesthetic purposes) the floor of stand up sunbeds is a mirror.  Don’t, for the love of God, look down.  I did.  I’ve not had a wax for a while, I’ve also had one baby naturally (and an episiotomy). It’s a sight I’m not likely to forget for some time.

Stick person with big boobs and tummy looking shocked
Don’t look down

4) If you’ve got big boobs, or boobs that are pointing in a southerly direction spend at least half the time holding them up.  Otherwise you’ll end up with a white upside-down McDonald’s M around your waist area (or in my case as low as your belly button).

Stick person with big tummy and saggy boobs looking unhappy
Lift ’em up

5) Finally, unless you want a white arse crack BEND OVER!!

Rear view of stick person, bending over
Bend over!!

So, basically in order to get an even, all-over tan you need to be bending over while holding your boobs up, like this…

Side view of stick person, holding up boobs and sticking out bum
Optimum “all-over tan” pose

By the way, I’m not endorsing the use of sunbeds. Please be sensible and all that.

 

 

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

8 Comments

  1. Oh I do love your blogs, certainly start a full day off well lol 😂😂😂

    1. Author

      Cheers Joey! I enjoy writing them. Feel free to share them on Facebook, if i can get enough of a following I might even be able to make some money from it…I can only hope 😂

  2. I love the child like drawings. They remind me of the school tea towels parents feel compelled to purchase, because one of the tiny drawings, that could easily be missed is their little darlings, the other 200 odd drawings is anyone’s guess.

    1. Author

      Thanks, Jas. I have several of said tea towels…

  3. Wow I did NOT appreciate the technicalities of tanning!! Chuckling away here… #FridayFrolics

  4. Haha! I’ve never used one and I’m now quite glad of this! Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics

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