It’s been a while since I worked in an office but lately I’ve been thinking about the different personalities you meet in the workplace. It doesn’t have to be an office, it could be anywhere even a building site, and it even translates to blogging. We have Facebook groups where we congregate and swap stories and the same personalities crop up time and time again.
So, without further ado I give you 35 personalities you meet in the workplace (in no particular order or gender for that matter) and how they spend their lunch break:
- The one that hangs around the photocopier all day doing fuck all yet is still the bosses favourite. Spend their lunches gossiping in the break room
- The one who’s worked at the company forever and is now basically part of the furniture. Spend their lunch breaks eating their packed lunch at their desk
- The popular one who is actually an absolute bitch, no one knows why (s)he’s popular (s)he just is. Spend their lunch with anyone they chose to, on their terms
- The funny one, they always crack a joke at the right time during meetings to make everyone laugh. Spends their lunchtime in the break room making people laugh (or hiding in the toilet crying)
- The studious one, always have their head down and wouldn’t dare to make a personal phone call in company time. Spends their lunch break either at their desk or with the one that’s worked at the company forever
- The tech geek. When “turning it off and on again” has failed the tech geek steps in. Usually spend their lunchtime fixing people’s personal laptops for free
- The bore who drones on and on but no one actually knows anything about them because they shut off. Spends their lunch break being avoided at all costs
- The constantly harassed one. Everything is always on top of them and then the boss gives them even more to do. Spends their lunch break doing overtime trying to keep on top of everything
- The one that is always pregnant. She fell pregnant before her last maternity leave was up and now she’s pregnant again. Spends her lunch break googling contraception and wondering why she didn’t learn her lesson the previous two times
- The one who always fucks up but it’s never their fault and manages to pin the blame on someone else. Spends their lunch break with someone different every day
- The one who tries oh so hard but never quite cuts it. Spends their lunchtime contemplating their life and listening to podcasts, alone
- The one with a drawer full of biscuits. Spends their lunch break not eating because they already ate 2 packs of Bourbons, a Garibaldi, 3 Rich Tea and a Jammy Dodger by 11am
- The one who uses your teabags but never replenishes them. Spends their lunch break eating other people’s lunches
- The one who spends all day on social media. You name it they’re on it. Spends their lunch break watching videos of cats and arranging their night out via PM
- The one that’s shagged half the office. Spends their lunch break chatting up the half they’ve not yet shagged and applying “cream”
- The one that’s always doing a “sponsored something” – walk, run, cake sale, sky dive, paint their house purple – you name it they’ve done it. Spends their lunch break desperately trying to collect the sponsorship money they were promised by Dave in accounts
- The one that always has an appointment, the doctors, the optician, the vet. They spend their lunch time making up the hours they spent at an appointment
- The one who always has a sick day…on a Monday. They’ve plastered all over social media that they were shit faced all weekend, forget they are friends with half the office including their boss but Monday morning come down with a “tummy bug”. Spends their lunch hour downing Berocca and eating carbs
- The one that always “pops to the loo” or makes a very important phone call when it’s their turn to make the drinks. Spends their lunchtime without a cup of tea
- The one who never attends meetings and expects people to “fill them in”. Spends their lunch break…alone
- The one that always goes for a walk at lunchtime. Spends their lunch break walking
- The one going through a marriage breakdown. Spends their lunch break googling hitmen and moving money from the joint account
- The one that earns a shit ton of money and no one quite knows why. Spends their lunch break spending money at the local deli or online buying new clothes that they don’t need
- The one that only has a job because they have dirt on the boss. Spends their lunch break with the boss
- The one that doesn’t actually need to work for financial reasons but just wants to “Get out of the house”. Spends their lunch break gossiping
- The couple having an affair that always work late. They spend their lunchtime together
- The couple who aren’t actually having an affair but everyone assumes they are. They spend their lunch break together, in a purely platonic fashion, honestly
- The office bully that takes credit for all your work because they stapled the sheets of your report together. Spends their lunch break terrorising the geek and the sponsored walker
- The proud parent who has photos of their kids everywhere, including a mug and mouse mat. Spends their lunch break with the always pregnant one or other parents, never the singles
- The one that has got caught up in a multilevel marketing scheme (a la Younique) and is always bringing stuff into work to flog. Spends their lunch break forcing their latest catalogue under your nose and guilting you into buying a £20 mascara that is absolute crap
- The agony aunt or uncle who always has a box of tissues and “do not disturb” on their door. Spends their lunch break listening to other people’s problems and wondering how it all came to this
- The work experience kid who always has relationship issues, usually with a dodgy partner who has a tag. Spends their lunch break with the agony aunt/uncle
- The informant. Spends their lunch break listening in doorways
- The one that “works from home”. They don’t have a lunch break as they don’t do any fucking work. Their whole say is a lunch break
- The one who tries to get everyone to go out for a drink at least once a week. Spends their lunch break trying to organise the next social and being avoided by their colleagues
Go on – how many do you recognise and which one are you?
Disclaimer – the characters in this post are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to anyone I have ever met…ever…
Thanks to Anna from Me Annie Bee for the help with this one!
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