What many of you may not know is that I am divorced
I was married in my late twenties.
I wouldn’t say it was a mistake as such, just a life lesson. We weren’t well matched by any stretch of the imagination. He was a bad boy and that isn’t my usual “type”. I met him following the death of my boyfriend and I wasn’t in a good place, I was going out partying and drinking too much. He was the opposite of my boyfriend who had passed away and that fit the bill as I didn’t feel like I was replacing him. The marriage didn’t last very long but the relationship was about 6 years.
When you have been with one person for several years I think it is easy to lose a bit of your identity.
You can lose touch with old friends. You might not go out anymore – I think we all fall in to a bit of a Netflix and takeaway rut.
I was lucky in a way that we didn’t have children together so I was able to cut all ties. It is important to take time to find yourself again. To remember who you were, we evolve during relationships and going back to our old lives doesn’t always suit. You might feel too old to go to the clubs you once frequented (you are NEVER too old to go clubbing by the way) and you may have outgrown your old hobbies.
Here are a few tips on how to bounce back from the end of a long term relationship and combat loneliness:
Get in touch with old friends
Make contact with old contacts! Turn to your friends for support – they will be glad to hear from you. Old friends are invaluable at times like this, because they knew you before your relationship and can help you “find yourself” again.
You are likely to hear a few home truths about your relationship so be prepared for that. I found out lots of tidbits of information about my ex. Although they reaffirm the fact that you shouldn’t be together so all is not lost.
Join a dating site
There are LOADS of dating sites for every lifestyle these days. I mean EVERY lifestyle, including those where you can also date divorced singles. There are a lot of upsides to divorced dating as your date will be in a similar position to you and understand where you are coming from.
You can choose the age range, profession and all sorts of other criteria. Dating sites don’t have to just be about finding the love of your life either, they can lead to new friendships and companionship. You might not be ready to fall in love but at least it will open your eyes to new possibilities.
Start a new hobby
Remember where I said it was easy to get stuck in a Netflix rut – GET OUT OF IT!
You won’t change your life sitting at home watching television so push yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do. This could be a sport you fancied trying – golf clubs have a great social life attached, a book club, volunteering for a charity. These will all get you out of the house and meeting new people. If you don’t want to leave the house you could do something online, there are lots of forums where you will find people who have the same interests as you. There is so much choice the opportunities are endless.
Take on a new challenge
Challenge yourself to do something that you’ve always dreamed of but didn’t have the time, or maybe your ex thought it was daft?
If you wanted to run a marathon then join a local running club. You don’t have to be fit and there will be lots of people there who were once unfit and only ran for the ice cream man! Perhaps you want to learn a new skill. Maybe you want to write a book? There are resources everywhere in order to hep you live your dream, whatever it may be.
Train for a new career
Now is the time for new starts! You will likely have more time on your hands so make the most of it. If you always wanted to do something that involved a degree then check out the open university.
I always fancied training to be a make up artist myself. There are lots of courses you can take including night school in order to achieve your dream job. Make the most of your new found freedom!
There you have it. My 5 top tips to get over a relationship breakdown and combat loneliness – what would you add?
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