This is a collaborative post
There are so many reasons why we must stop vilifying women for not having children, but here are just five of them
A few weeks ago my 13 year old son, known as Big L, said to me “don’t worry, Mum. If my little brother doesn’t have children I will, so you have grandchildren”. I was pretty taken aback that a 13 year old already believes that they must produce grandchildren. I told him that having children was not the most important thing in life, not that I regret having him or his brother, but having children should be a choice for everyone. No one should feel that they have to have children for any reason other than THEY want them, and certainly not just to appease family members and produce grandchildren. I said that times are changing and the pressure to produce an heir is not like it used to be, but it is still there, especially for women.
Having friends with and without children, for whatever reason, here are the five reasons (there are many more!) why a woman might not have children:
1) A woman might not be able to have children
There are a lot of reasons a woman might not be able to have children. She might not be physically able for medical reasons, even if a woman is able to conceive it might be too dangerous. She might not have met the right person and it is then “too late” (menopause I am looking at you).
2) A woman might not be able to conceive “naturally”
I have several friends who struggled to conceive and many turned to IVF for assistance. The IVF process is not an easy one, with tests and injections. IVF is physically and emotionally demanding on a woman and it can take its toll on a relationship, there is no guarantee it will work and I have friends who have been through IVF, had a positive test and gone on to sadly lose their baby. I cannot imagine how hard that must be. Then there are the IVF costs involved, if you are unable to get it on the NHS it doesn’t come cheap.
3) Children are expensive
According to the Child Poverty Action Group
In 2024, the cost of raising a child to age 18 was £260,000 for a couple and £290,000 for a lone parent
That is not to be sniffed at! Children really do cost a lot of money, not only do they need housing, feeding and clothing but they need transport of some kind, even public transport isn’t cheap these days, they need entertaining and a lot of them take up expensive hobbies. All of this has an impact on your bank balance.
4) There are too many children on the planet already
OK, I could probably have worded that better. The fact is that the population is increasing which is having a detrimental affect on the planet. A woman might not want to add to the ever increasing population which not only contributes to climate change but also puts a greater demand on the earths resources.
5) A woman might like her life, just as it is thankyouverymuch
I have childless friends and, I have to say, I am quite jealous of them at times. Some of them would have liked children but for whatever reason don’t have them, some of them have chosen to be child free. My friends don’t have the daily stress having a child brings. They can do what they want, when they want. They don’t have to answer to anyone. All their money is theirs and they can go on holiday whenever they like, wherever they like. And, the biggest plus of them all, they don’t have to do the dreaded school run!
So, there you have it, a list of 5 reasons we should stop vilifying women for not having children. I wish I had read it a few years ago – not really kids, I love you lots…
