Grief is weird. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, knocks you over, and then leaves you sitting on the floor wondering what just happened. Losing someone you love is obvious — but grief can hit after a break-up, a friendship falling apart, losing a job, or even moving away from a place you loved.
I’ve been there. And by “been there,” I mean I’ve cried over small stuff that really shouldn’t make me cry and accidentally cried over big stuff that really should. Here’s what I’ve learned about surviving the mess of grief.
- There’s No Wrong Way to Grieve
Some people cry all the time. Some people laugh when they’re crying. Some people bury it and pretend nothing happened until it hits them like a ton of bricks on a random Tuesday.
All of those ways are okay. There’s no “right” timetable, no perfect method. You don’t have to be strong, you don’t have to be brave, and you definitely don’t have to rush through it.
- Talk About It… Or Don’t
Some people need to talk constantly. Some people need silence. And some people want to scream into a pillow while watching Netflix and eating ice cream.
- Talking to friends or family can help, if they’re willing to listen.
- Therapy or support groups are a good option if you want someone neutral to vent to.
- Journaling helps me (even if it’s just a messy note saying “I feel awful today”).
It’s about finding what works for you — and giving yourself permission to do that without guilt.
- Take Care of Your Body (Even If You Don’t Feel Like It)
Grief is exhausting. It can make you forget to eat, sleep poorly, or feel like getting out of bed is an Olympic event.
- Try to eat something nourishing. Even toast counts.
- Move your body if you can. A short walk or some stretches can help, even if it feels silly.
- Sleep when you can. Naps are not lazy. Naps are survival.
Taking care of yourself isn’t a cure for grief, but it makes surviving it a bit easier.
- Expect Emotional Rollercoasters
One minute you’re fine, the next minute you’re sobbing over a random song. It’s normal. Grief doesn’t follow rules.
- Be ready for sudden waves of sadness.
- Don’t fight them too hard. Let yourself cry, scream, laugh, or scroll aimlessly through your phone.
- It’s okay to smile and enjoy things, too. Enjoying life doesn’t mean you’re forgetting the person or thing you lost.
- Little Things That Help (Sometimes)
- Create a ritual: lighting a candle, making a playlist, or looking at photos.
- Do small, kind things for yourself: a cup of tea, a hot shower, a nap.
- Stay in touch with people who make you feel safe: even if it’s just a text.
- Give yourself permission to feel frustrated: grief can be messy and annoying. That’s okay.
- When to Reach Out for Extra Help
Sometimes grief gets heavy — like, really heavy. If you notice:
- You can’t sleep or eat for days.
- You feel hopeless or like life isn’t worth living.
- You start isolating completely.
It’s okay to ask for help. Professionals exist for a reason, and getting support doesn’t make you weak.
Resources you can check out:
- Samaritans: 116 123 (UK) – 24/7 free support
- Mind: mind.org.uk – mental health and emotional support
- Cruse Bereavement Care: cruse.org.uk – support for all types of grief
- BetterHelp / Talkspace – online therapy if you prefer virtual support
- One Day at a Time
Grief isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you learn to live with. Some days are terrible, some days are okay, and some days you might even forget for a few hours that the loss is there. That’s progress.
Be gentle with yourself. Make mistakes. Cry over silly things. Laugh when you can. And remember: surviving grief after loss doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding a way to keep living and ultimately, finding happiness after loss.
Grief is confusing, messy, and exhausting. But it’s also a reminder that you care, that you love, and that you’re human. There’s no timetable, no right way, and no shame in needing help.
