I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago in my early forties. A lot of people ask why and how being diagnosed with ADHD in my forties changed my life so I thought I would write about it. Lucky you!
Now, I have to be honest, a few years ago a friend of mine said she thought she might have ADHD and I thought she was bonkers. I mean, the stereotype of ADHD is that kid in the playground, running around with their coat on their head, jumping off tables and, although my friend has her moments, that’s not how I would describe her.
Then one day I received an email from my youngest son’s preschool, asking for a meeting. They suggested he might be autistic which came as a bit of a shock but not entirely.
We had always thought he was just the slightly more difficult second child. However, his behaviour started to make sense. We started on the “ASD Pathway” as it’s known locally, and it took over three years but he was finally diagnosed as both autistic, ADHD and DCD (Dyspraxia in old money) was chucked in for good measure. Now, the reason I mention his diagnosis is that when you go to appointments they ask if there is any family history of neurodiversity in the family as there is a strong genetic link. At which point my partner and I would say “no”, but it did make me question it.
A little while later a blogger, Louise at Pink Pear Bear, wrote about her ADHD diagnosis. I read it and thought “she can’t have ADHD, she sounds just like me…oh”.
That’s really when the penny dropped. I looked into ADHD in women and girls and the more I read the more I realised that I could have ADHD. I chatted with Louise a bit online and it became clear to me that I needed to request an assessment. This was during lockdown, I spoke with my GP who agreed to forward me for an assessment which at that time was taking up to a year – it can now take much longer, just so you can be prepared but please don’t let that put you off.
The wait for an assessment for ADHD can be quite traumatic. You start to question yourself. Friends and family might think you have lost the plot, there’s nothing wring with you, you got to x age without a diagnosis, what difference will it make now?
You actually have to have someone you have known for years to fill out a form about you too, but if you are good at “masking” they might not realise what you are struggling with daily.
One day, out of the blue, I received a phone call from Psychiatry UK, the people I had requested for my assessment. They had had a cancellation and were offering me an appointment for the following day. I was so shocked but I took it. The appointment was via Zoom, as most things are these days. I talked about myself, my struggles, my childhood etc and at the end of the appointment was diagnosed with combined ADHD which is both inattentive and hyperactive.
The three different types of ADHD
Credit for this goes to The Mini ADHD Coach who you can also find on Instagram here and is definitely worth following as their explanations of ADHD are excellent, and super cute!
For me I find my inattentiveness is that I drift in and out of things like a conversation, or watching a film and I can’t read a book. I CAN read but I can get to the end of a page and haven’t taken in a single thing. The only time I can shut off enough to read is on holiday, and I haven’t had one where I can sit and relax for a loooong time!
The hyperactive element is more my thoughts, I am not a particularly physically hyperactive person but my thoughts run away with themselves and I cannot focus on one at a time. I will be halfway doing one thing and thinking about the next 5 things.
And yeah, I have both combined so that’s just fab!
After an official diagnosis I had to wait for Titration
As I chose to try medication I had to go through Titration which took another few months and feels a bit cruel after all the other waiting and now knowing you have ADHD. Titration which is where you supply your blood pressure readings, weight and so forth, to a qualified practitioner. They then discuss the medications and which they think is best for you. You start on a low dose and slowly work up to what works best, you might find that you take a dose that is too high at one point so you know you need a lower dose.
I have taken Elvanse for about two years now and it has really helped me. I can actually pinpoint the time it “kicks in” each morning. It’s almost like a fog lifting. I remember the first few days feeling happier and generally lighter, like any problems didn’t seem so big and I realized that this must be how neurotypical people feel ALL THE TIME!
How being diagnosed with ADHD in my forties changed my life
So, after all that I am sure you’re thinking “but, Erica, how did it change your life” well, let me tell you – buckle up it’s a bumpy one!
Growing up I never felt like I really fitted in. I had, and still have, a small circle of close friends who I feel I can really be myself around. I was bullied by peers as well as teachers and later colleagues and bosses and adult peers. I have since discovered this happens a lot to neurodivergent types like me.
As a pre teen and in my teens and early twenties I hated myself. I don’t just mean the usual not liking something about yourself, I really hated me. I hated the way I looked, sounded, the way I was, just everything. I used to self harm and was diagnosed with depression and later on borderline personality disorder, another thing I later found happens a lot to people eventually diagnosed with ADHD.
I realized that I had been masking pretty much my entire life. I would see how other girls, popular girls, acted or dressed and tried to copy them. I dumbed down my personality as my real personality was too much, friends who know me know what I mean! As I got older I turned to alcohol to get me through social situations. Drinking was an excuse to be loud and generally act like I wanted to the rest of the time, turns out my natural personality is, well, a loud drunk!
The number of “issues” that can be attributed to ADHD is huge
ADHD and binge eating
Binge eating is something I have always struggled with. Sad? Eat. Bored? Eat. Tired? Eat. 11am on a Wednesday? Eat! You get the picture. Food and ADHD
Obviously this had an affect on my weight. I’m very much a body positivity fan but binge eating is not good for anyone. The medication helped at first and I lost a couple of stone but the binge eating is creeping back so I suspect my medication needs reviewing which I have been waiting an age for.
ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria aka RSD
Once I was diagnosed with ADHD I was more aware of some of the issues that go hand in hand and RSD is one of them. I can confirm that RSD is probably one of the worst aspects. RSD is where any form of criticism or rejection can hit so hard it physically hurts, and for me it is like a pain in my heart. It can also be so bad that I feel suicidal at times. It can come on in the blink of an eye, for instance I can be scrolling Facebook or Instagram, see a friend out without me and feel rejected. Or I can do, make or write something, someone can make a suggestion that I will see as a criticism and I can flip out. It is totally irrational and something I feel really guilty about.
ADHD and time keeping or time blindness
One thing I am terrible about is time keeping. If I know I have to be ready at a set time I am never ready early, even if I have hours I will start getting ready so I am ready just in time or, more usually, late.
If I have an appointment later in the day I find I cannot do anything until that appointment or, a few minutes before I need to leave, I will suddenly decide I need to do something which makes me late.
I ALWAYS misjudge how long a task will take. I think I can get something done in 5 minutes but it will take 15!
ADHD and being untidy
I suspect I may also be autistic as I crave order but the ADHD in me seems completely unable to be tidy. I will tidy up and within a couple of hours the bedroom floor is covered in clothes. I will walk past something on the floor that needs picking up and it is almost impossible to pick up.
ADHD and risky behaviour
People with ADHD are more likely to drink alcohol to excess, take drugs and other things like having multiple partners without being careful. There are a few reasons for this, looking for a dopamine high being one, impulsivity and peer pressure being others.
I personally turned to drink a lot when I was younger, I felt it helped with my inhibitions and gave me confidence.
ADHD and relationships
Having an ADHD diagnosis really helps family and friends to understand why you are the way you are. It can be hard to be the friend of someone with ADHD (although you might find once diagnosed that you see neurodivergence in a lot of your friends as we tend to be drawn to each other). I often make plans and back out at the last minute. Due to RSD I am probably seen as highly strung, I can’t be easy having a friend who gets upset so easily.
Being the partner of someone with ADHD must be pretty difficult too. Living with me probably isn’t easy! But, I should say that I am sure I more than make up for the difficult traits, at least I hope I do!
How being diagnosed with ADHD in my forties changed my life
So, if you made it this far – well done!
As you can see, getting a diagnosis changed my life in so many ways. Even without medication it has given me a greater understanding of myself. I look back on my younger years and I actually feel quite sorry for the little girl who didn’t feel like she fit in but I am so glad that I understand why I felt, feel this way. I still feel like that but now I care less. I understand why I didn’t like baby groups when my kids were younger and I don’t beat myself up about not taking them.
Taking medication has made a huge difference. I feel happier and more content. I can focus on tasks for longer periods and get things done, it’s not perfect but it’s better.
If you think you need a referral then please speak to your GP, whatever your age it can make a huge difference to your life, it did mine!
PIN ME!
