The big girl’s guide to sunbeds – 5 top tips for that all over tan

It’s been a while since I used a sunbed but my Bestie is getting married next weekend so I thought I’d treat myself to a course.  I’ve left it a bit late but hey ho!  Anyway, once you step in the shop it all comes flooding back.  If you’ve never been before I’ve put together a little guide –

1) If you wear glasses you might not be able to see the START and STOP buttons.  Locate these prior to taking off your glasses and entering the booth

Start and stop button and pair of glasses

Locate the start/stop button

2) If, like me, you’re a “sturdy girl” never, ever use the lie down beds.  Your boobs and tummy will get all squished and likely burnt. You’ve seen kids with their faces pressed against a window…that’s your body.

Stick person lying on sunbed looking unhappy

Never lie down on a sunbed

3) For some reason (I’m sure it’s not for aesthetic purposes) the floor of stand up sunbeds is a mirror.  Don’t, for the love of God, look down.  I did.  I’ve not had a wax for a while, I’ve also had one baby naturally (and an episiotomy). It’s a sight I’m not likely to forget for some time.

Stick person with big boobs and tummy looking shocked

Don’t look down

4) If you’ve got big boobs, or boobs that are pointing in a southerly direction spend at least half the time holding them up.  Otherwise you’ll end up with a white upside-down McDonald’s M around your waist area (or in my case as low as your belly button).

Stick person with big tummy and saggy boobs looking unhappy

Lift ’em up

5) Finally, unless you want a white arse crack BEND OVER!!

Rear view of stick person, bending over

Bend over!!

So, basically in order to get an even, all-over tan you need to be bending over while holding your boobs up, like this…

Side view of stick person, holding up boobs and sticking out bum

Optimum “all-over tan” pose

By the way, I’m not endorsing the use of sunbeds. Please be sensible and all that.

#sunbeds #faketan #indoortanning #tanningshop #tanninglamp

Pin me!

Get more stuff like this

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

8 Comments

  1. Joey March 18, 2017
    • Erica March 18, 2017
  2. Jas March 18, 2017
    • Erica March 18, 2017
  3. @MumMalarkey March 24, 2017
  4. Emma Island Living 365 March 24, 2017
  5. Silly Mummy March 30, 2017

Leave a Reply

Instagram

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

%d bloggers like this: