The ten commandments of blogging
As told by a mediocre blogger, me.
“I am the Lord, Google. Thou shalt bear no false idol aside from me .”
Google is GOD. Google is a vengeful God and will smite thee should you be found to be selling follow links. Especially follow links less than 4 times your DA as that is forbidden (apart from everybody does it. Ev-er-y-body)
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy blog in vain.”
Unmumsy Mum, Mother Pukka, Hurrah for Gin you know who I’m talking about. Bloggers who have reached giddy heights that you and I can only dream of. They’ve done preeettty well for themselves, don’t hate ’em cos you ain’t ’em
“Remember to keep holy the world book day / gift guides.”
Are you even a blogger is you do not prepare a post at least a week in advance for this beauty.- this also covers but is not limited to: birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Easter, Valentines day, bluebells, the first sign of sun, paddling pools, hospital visit, photo of dinner on Instagram, gym progress, latest diet, cute cat/dog/kid
“Honor thy blog father and mother.”
You might have just started your blog but there are people out there who have been blogging FOR YEARS, since the dawn of the internet in fact. Remember dial up? It cost them years of their lives to write one post on that. Respect those people and take on board their knowledge.
“Thou shalt not kill your url.”
DO NOT RENAME your blog. It will kill your DA and you will forever be wishing you hadn’t done it
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Or do because other bloggers will make that shit up about you anyway. Expect this particularly if you go to conferences because, apparently, bloggers cannot physically meet up without slipping each other the tongue, or cock, or whatever. Apart from it doesn’t actually happen because most of us are socially inept and crumble at the thought of human interaction.
“Thou shalt not steal other people’s ideas.”
otherwise known as plagiarism – or “inspiration”. Sometimes this is pure fluke, obviously there are only so many stories in the world. Sometimes…not. Yes I am looking at you, you know who you are. Get your own ideas. If you think a post is funny or moves you then by all means do your own version but maybe link to the original. If you like a meme or gif, now this is very important, are you listening? SHARE IT FROM THE FUCKING PAGE THAT IT ORIGINATED FROM. IT’S NOT FUCKING HARD. At the very least give credit but really, come on share it from the page. It won’t hurt your reach and it will help theirs. How would you like it?
“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”
Apparently this means don’t lie – so maybe don’t lie. Don’t buy followers or likes. It’s not on. If you’re getting work because a couple of hundred people in another country are being paid to give your posts a little heart then you, my friend, are a scammer. I bet you lied on your CV about your grades too.
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s DA”
The new Moz bar has stolen 5 points from my DA yet my blogging bestie, Anna, has rocketed up 11 points. You win some you lose some but what do you do? You link, link, link! SEO that shit up baby (after all you need a decent DA to sell all those follow links)
“Thou shalt not covet thy bloggers free shite.”
This is the hardest. You see others bloggers getting all the awesome shit to review. You want that shit. Why isn’t it in your sweaty little palm? Probably because they lied about their followers but you are too fucking honest. GODDAMMIT. By the way, any brands out there, I am available to review most stuff. I like stuff.
And here endeth the Bloggers ten commandments. Aaaaamen
With thanks to Suzanne of the fab blog “and another ten things” who inspired me with this post. And we used the same pic *awkward* and unintentional
PIN THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!
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