I am not an inspiration – there, I said it I’ve just come home from a wonderful weekend away with my blogging buddies. I was on a total high. Everything was going so well. Then I got a message. One measly message has put me from cloud 9 to rock bottom in T -9 seconds. This always happens and I hate myself for letting it happen. I am too sensitive for my own good and I know it. I’m one of those people that gets nervous about being happy because there is always something around the corner to scupper it. And that’s just sad. IRead More →

patient in bed

I am an inspiration! I’m a finalist in the #BiBs2018 awards “Inspire” category so it must be true! You can continue to read why I would love for you to vote for me or you can just do it by clicking HERE! Category number 5 – Inspire When I started my blog about 2 years ago it wasn’t intended to be inspirational I started it because I like to make people laugh and, although I was diagnosed with Crohn’s 4 years previously and had many (many, many) subsequent operations, the disease had behaved itself for a while. Originally I wrote about having a baby andRead More →

I’m on the train on my way home from a birthday meal. I’m now a 41-year-old woman and a size 20/22. Please make yourself comfortable while I tell you the story of a 16-year-old girl who was a size 16 and convinced she was grotesque. I remember vividly wanting to look different. To be thinner. To look like the models in the magazines. I loved fashion and used to buy Clothes Show magazine and watch the TV show every Sunday. Do you remember it? Caryn Franklin, Selina Scott and Jeff Banks used to host it. It was very glamorous. It was the 90s and heroinRead More →

depression - pills vs talking therapy

Depression, the black dog, that gloomy cloud that envelops your being from morning to night. That feeling of dread. Doom. Waking in the night. Crying for seemingly no reason. Self harm. Spending money you don’t have. Not going out. Going out too much. Alcohol. Drugs. Poor body image. Feeling unloved, unlovable. Shall I go on? I’ve suffered on and off with depression since my teens. A looong time. I was on Prozac (now known as Fluoxetine) in my early twenties. It didn’t work for me. I felt numb, dulled-down, not myself. I’ve been on a fair few different types of anti-depressants over the years. TooRead More →

“You don’t look ill”, “Aren’t people with Crohn’s skinny?”, “All you need to do is stop eating xyz and you’ll get better”, “Have you tried Aloe Vera/Juice Plus/Forever Living?” All things I have heard in the few years since I was diagnosed.  All are frankly bollocks.  No, if I wear make-up I look reasonable. No I’m not skinny but I still shit more in the first hour I wake than than most people do in a week – or two.  No, not everyone has trigger foods (although many do, they’re probably thinking of coeliac or IBS).  And NO I am not trying your multilevel marketingRead More →

Strength

I’m back from another long day in A&E because of this bastard disease, Crohn’s. I’ve previously written here about my diagnosis and first operations (have a gander, it’s thrilling – intensive care and everything).  Cutting a very long story short since August 2013 I’ve had 6 operations 5 of which were within 20 months of each other. I had my most recent operation two weeks ago for an anal fistula (google it, you won’t be disappointed).  Over this past weekend a (very painful) lump came up and I’m having fevers and not feeling at all well so my IBD nurse (firmly) suggested I attend A&E. IRead More →

I’ve been lucky enough to reach the ripe old age of 39 and not have a close encounter with the Big C. Friends and family members I’ve lost have not suffered from cancer.  Until now.  My Bestie’s beautiful mum was diagnosed just over a year ago and now cancer is stealing her from us.  And I’m fucking angry, no, I’m livid.  How dare it? How dare this disease walk into our lives like it owns the place and take someone so wonderful? My Bestie and I grew up together, both of us were only children so we spent most of our time together, right upRead More →

For as long as I can remember I’ve been on a diet, or at least in need of one.  When I was seven my mum took me to the Dr because I had a cold or some other unrelated illness and the Dr (who himself was, let’s be honest here, a fat fucker) told her I was overweight and sent me to a dietician.  There started my unhealthy relationship with food.  It really started when my parents split up and I would spend the weekend with my father who plied me with sweets and crisps and sat me in the corner of his local pub.Read More →

​I’ve been struggling mentally a bit lately. I think I’m fairly good at hiding it from most people, not all. People that know me well know the signs.   Anyway.  It came to a bit of a head this morning and I was having trouble coping with life in general not to mention a teething baby and a five year old who just wants to play.   We’d planned a grand day out with Granny but ended up going to the local Wildfowl Reserve instead.  We go there a fair bit. It’s free and it’s lovely and it’s quite peaceful.  There’s nothing like immersing yourselfRead More →

I’m sat here on this lovely summer’s day 3 years to the day that I had my first major operation. An operation that would lead to a further 4, and counting… I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in September 2012. Big L was 1 and Little L was a sparkle in his father’s eye.  I’d suffered with what had been previously diagnosed as IBS since my teens and been backwards and forwards to the Dr’s since.  It turns out it was actually Crohn’s. Crohn’s and IBS have very similar symptoms and Crohn’s is apparently hard to diagnose. It was found because I’d been ill withRead More →